Four Souls and Nine Tails (Royal's Fanfic)

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Royal

I'm known as Mage-of-Souls on Fanfiction.net and I wrote a naruto fanfic. Its a crossover of inuyasha and naruto. So if you like inuyasha and naruto, go read it. If not, maybe you'll enjoy it. It's just here.

Four Souls and Nine Tails
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Kashin Yukai

Roleplaying Characters:
No RPC
No RPC
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Genin
Village: Kirikagure
Fame: 0
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Inventory: 1 Nuchaku, 3kunai, 4 smoke bombs

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OzanaruSyra · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:26 pm Post subject:

Please note that I professionally review literary pieces, so if I seem a little harsh...

Well, you definitely have the characters down. However, you have little more than a page, if that. You have a complete lack of detail, instead doing everything from your dialogue as a show would do it. It doesn't work so well in short stories. Also, you don't seem to have a current setting.

You have literally no introduction. What if someone hasn't watched Inuyasha, or is unfamiliar with the characters? It would be very difficult for them to follow along.

I like how you ended with some intrigue. Not often do people even bother with closing the ending properly.

However, there is hope! I like your writing style, and I can see it developing quite uniquely. You have to take some time and write some detail, though! Don't spend ten minutes on typing a short story. Always have a draft first. It will only improve with more doings.
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Roleplaying Characters:
Syra Ozanaru
Vechalia Ozanaru
Mikrah Ozanaru

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Shinobi Rank: Jounin, SS ~ Genin, E ~ Genin, E
Village: Kirigakure ~ Kirigakure ~ Kirigakure
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Royal · Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 6:40 pm Post subject:

Thank you, just to tell you they are 13 chapters in that link. (You scroll down where it says chapter 1) Though I 100% know what you are saying. I like hearing stuff like that. Gotta take bad with good as they say!

_________________
Kashin Yukai

Roleplaying Characters:
No RPC
No RPC
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Genin
Village: Kirikagure
Fame: 0
Reputation:
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: 1 Nuchaku, 3kunai, 4 smoke bombs

Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!