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Darkness
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Ryumaru
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fyodor666
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 Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:29 am Post subject: |
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One of these days I'm gonna fix that part of the template to proper english.
Roleplaying Characters:
Hyuuga Malekith
Kurosenjo Yanagi
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Sannin (S-rank missing-nin) ~ Genin
Village: None ~ Konoha
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: Chakra Bo, 5 Kunai, 4 Shuriken, 8 Smoke Bombs, 20 Explosion Tags, 8 Soldier Pills ~ Bo, Bow, Quiver of Arrows (holds 20), 2 Shuriken, 4 Kunai
Personal Stats:
Forum Credit: N/A
Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!
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Darkness
Status: Offline
Newbie
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 9
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Garra Of The Desert
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Joined: 09 Sep 2007
Posts: 9
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Tegatus Hirokimi
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Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 1695
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: Darkness of the Kaguya clan |
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| Darkness wrote: | Strengths:
Darkness has inherited the full power of the kaugya’s bloodlines truest form (like Kimimaro).
Darkness is extremely skilled in the ways of taijutsu and his bloodline due to being trained by his father, who was a legendary Kaguya.
He knows more about poisons and venoms than most people his age and is always looking for new ones and new ways to use them.
He has neither mercy, nor forgiveness for anyone who tries him.
Darkness is skilled in the world of stealth and the art of quick killing, trained most of his life to be the prefect assassin.
Darkness sanity is not what most people would call safe; he is very insane making him even more dangerous and impossible to read.
Normally Darkness fights with logic and cruel ways the most. |
Ok...you're a genin, so when you say "trained most of his life" we're lookin' at about 5-6 years...
Be more specific on "skilled in the world of stealth and the art of quick killing" because that basically defines a ninja and, again, you're just a genin.
When you say "dangerous and impossible to read", you should probably specify that it's for people around your age, because a chuunin or jounin will easily be able to see your patterns. (unless they're weak or stupid)
| Darkness wrote: | Weaknesses:
Darkness has a very unstable mind, it drives him mad and in the middle of a battle he could have a flash back out of nowhere, leaving him wide open for an attack.
He isn’t very gifted in genjutsu nor does he like to use it that much.
Most of the time Darkness duzn't fight with the intent to go all out, he takes it slow and duznt really like wasting time with people that are even a little bit lower than his level.
Darkness will avoid a fight is possible and
he isnt that great at making it up at the very last second.
Darkness is a taticen but awful against someone who is unpredictable... |
Ok, the red is a chanced weakness, as in "it CAN happen", not "it DOES happen"
The blue is a big DUH....I mean honestly, you can't be gifted in genjutsu because you're main and secondary fighting style is taijutsu/ninjutsu, which also means you don't use it alot. And the second blue is also a big DUH...NO ONE is a great tactition against someone who can't be predicted or never does the same thing twice...
Taking out the blue text, your weaknesses and strengths are unbalanced.
MAJOR EDIT: Wow...didn't read your background until just now...You can't have killed everyone in your clan, just edit it out.
_________________
Tegatus Hirokimi/|\Aisu Kokuou
"a nice little ol' angel  except kcikass and won't take **** from anyone."
-Everwill
Roleplaying Characters:
Tegatus Hirokimi
Aisu Kokyuu
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Sannin/|Jounin
Village: Otogakure
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: (2) Specially designed Katanas, (15) Shuriken, (15) Kunai, (30) Senbon needles, (2) Soldier Pills, (130) Feet of wire, (15) Exploding Tags/|(1) Specially designed flute, (40) Poisonous senbon needles, (15) Kunai, (10) Shuriken, (2) Soldier Pills, (100) feet of wire, (5) Smokebombs
Personal Stats:
Forum Credit: N/A
Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!
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fyodor666
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Joined: 17 May 2007
Posts: 2038
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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Maybe say Darkness is horrible at Genjutsu. Then say he is horrible at recognizing Genjutsu. And no, they're not the same thing, so it would count as two weaknesses.
And Teg, the red part you put is just fine. It is an occasional weakness, and it can be seriously crippling. Darkness, perhaps reword it to say "Darkness has a very unstable mind, it drives him mad and in the middle of a battle he sometimes has a flash back out of nowhere, leaving him wide open for an attack."
Roleplaying Characters:
Hyuuga Malekith
Kurosenjo Yanagi
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Sannin (S-rank missing-nin) ~ Genin
Village: None ~ Konoha
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: Chakra Bo, 5 Kunai, 4 Shuriken, 8 Smoke Bombs, 20 Explosion Tags, 8 Soldier Pills ~ Bo, Bow, Quiver of Arrows (holds 20), 2 Shuriken, 4 Kunai
Personal Stats:
Forum Credit: N/A
Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!
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Tegatus Hirokimi
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Honored Retirees
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 1695
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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But that's just it...Will he ever have this weakness in combat? I'm not saying it's a crippling weakness, but will it ever occur? He could easily just hold off onto the flashback thing until he's about to deal the final blow to an enemy...after he kills them...
_________________
Tegatus Hirokimi/|\Aisu Kokuou
"a nice little ol' angel except kcikass and won't take **** from anyone."
-Everwill
Roleplaying Characters:
Tegatus Hirokimi
Aisu Kokyuu
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Sannin/|Jounin
Village: Otogakure
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: (2) Specially designed Katanas, (15) Shuriken, (15) Kunai, (30) Senbon needles, (2) Soldier Pills, (130) Feet of wire, (15) Exploding Tags/|(1) Specially designed flute, (40) Poisonous senbon needles, (15) Kunai, (10) Shuriken, (2) Soldier Pills, (100) feet of wire, (5) Smokebombs
Personal Stats:
Forum Credit: N/A
Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!
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fyodor666
Status: Offline
Banned
Joined: 17 May 2007
Posts: 2038
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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I guess you're right, that would be really easy to godmod with. It's just like a rule saying they sometimes underestimate opponents. Do you ever see them actually doing so? no.
Roleplaying Characters:
Hyuuga Malekith
Kurosenjo Yanagi
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Sannin (S-rank missing-nin) ~ Genin
Village: None ~ Konoha
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: Chakra Bo, 5 Kunai, 4 Shuriken, 8 Smoke Bombs, 20 Explosion Tags, 8 Soldier Pills ~ Bo, Bow, Quiver of Arrows (holds 20), 2 Shuriken, 4 Kunai
Personal Stats:
Forum Credit: N/A
Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!
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Tegatus Hirokimi
Status: Offline
Honored Retirees
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 1695
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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My point exactly. So, he'll have to find a way to make it more definite.
_________________
Tegatus Hirokimi/|\Aisu Kokuou
"a nice little ol' angel except kcikass and won't take **** from anyone."
-Everwill
Roleplaying Characters:
Tegatus Hirokimi
Aisu Kokyuu
No 3rd RPC
No 4th RPC
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: Sannin/|Jounin
Village: Otogakure
Training Points: N/A
Inventory: (2) Specially designed Katanas, (15) Shuriken, (15) Kunai, (30) Senbon needles, (2) Soldier Pills, (130) Feet of wire, (15) Exploding Tags/|(1) Specially designed flute, (40) Poisonous senbon needles, (15) Kunai, (10) Shuriken, (2) Soldier Pills, (100) feet of wire, (5) Smokebombs
Personal Stats:
Forum Credit: N/A
Edit Your Shinobi Info So It Shows Under Your Posts By Clicking Here!
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