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Sandalphon
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 Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:38 am Post subject: Shinra E-Rank Genin now need's criticism *fixed* |
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Name: Shinra
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 87lbs
Appearance:hes got a hood ^^
Race: African
Hair: White
Eyes:Olive
Body: Slender
Ethnicity:Kumogakure
Rank: E-Rank Genin
Reputation: 0
Village:Kumogakure
Bloodline:Shiatamme
Main/Favored Weapon: Varied Dolls
Element: Lightning Element
Fighting Type/Style: Puppet Master (Major)Tai Jutsu (Minor) Ninjutsu (Minor)
Starting Inventory:10 mini dolls,30 shuriken,25 kunia,70ft of wire, Steel Spike 3ft long.
Music player with ear bud head phones.
Personality: Shinra is an extremely rude person but seems to be quite rude when he speaks to others, due to him Constantly listening to music and keepin ghis head phones in he normally doesnt take them out and Sings about his opponents demise. Shinra Mostly Keeps to himself and only comments on others mistakes that he sees since he refuses to take out his head phones long enough to hear someone speak for he thinnks they dont say anything worth his time. Shinra enjoys attacking all out against his opponents to the point where his Blitzkrieg on them overwhelms them enabling him to draw blood from his opponents so he can consume their blood for his ritual. While Performing the ritual he sings about their demise quite cheerfully and praying to his god.
Special Abilities:
Jutsus:
E-rank
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E
Description: Bunshin no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique which every ninja learns at the Ninja Academy. The Bunshin technique creates a copy of the ninja without substance. The copy resembles the ninja in every way. This clone can function as a distraction or as means to confuse one's opponent. As soon the Bunshin gets attacked or comes into contact with an opponent, it will disperse.
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E
Description: Kawarimi no Jutsu is a basic Ninjutsu technique. When in danger the ninja will quickly substitute themself with another nearby object. This can be a block of wood or even another person. This allows the ninja to quickly flee and hide while the original object takes the brunt of their opponents attack. Naturally, it won't work with another person unless their skill gap is enormous, and the object to replace oneself with must be close in size and weight to the ninja themselves. This technique must be set up a little ahead when fighting skilled opponents, otherwise, you may end up getting struck because you wouldn't have enough time to use it.
Name: Henge no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E
Description: Henge no Jutsu is a ninjutsu technique which every ninja learns at the Ninja Academy. Henge allows the ninja to transform themselves into any person or object. This allows the ninja to move with stealth or to trick their opponents. However, it does not grant one the properties of said objects or skills of that person, meaning turning into a weapon will not allow you to cut an opponent and turning into a dog will not give you a great sense of smell.
This technique can also be used in conjunction with someone, who may a person, a pet or a summoning creature, in which case it is called Konbi Henge (Combination Transformation). However, its principles remain the same.[/spoiler]
Bloodline jutsus:
Name: Purple Fist
Type: Nin/Tai
Rank: C
Requirements: Shiatamme Clan, or taught by a member.
Description: This is a jutsu based off of theories from the Shiatamme clan. This jutsu uses no hand seals, but requires chakra to maintain. This particular fist uses the Lightning Chakra residing in oneself to make an aura surround the user. While in effect, the user will gain a slight speed and power increase. Depending on the rank of the user, more chakra will be needed due to chakra leekage. At E-rank, the jutsu lasts about 1 posts before chakra will be depleted. D/C- two posts B/A- Three posts, S/SS- four posts
Jutsus you want to Learn:
Name: Raiton: Fuzui [Lightning Release: Paralysis]
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Requirements: None
Description: The user gathers chakra in their hand, converting it to their element and causing tiny bolts to travel between their fingers. Touching someone with the entire inside surface of the hand will result in temporary paralysis, lasting five posts, while touching with only part will cause the area to go numb, the size of the area dependent on how much contact. Those with Lightning element chakra are immune, and it is impossible to paralyze anyone of a higher rank than you unless you maintain contact for three posts (nearly impossible).
Missions Completed:
D-Rank:0
C-Rank:0
B-Rank:0
A-Rank:0
S-Rank:0
Background:
::Birth::
Shinra was born into a Clan of Demon God worshipers. The Religion in which they Followed was the fabled Jashin religion. Upon birth Shinra was anointed with the blood of their God Janshin a ritual in where the father and mother murder a human above the baby in hopes that the baby will consume the blood of the person being used as a sacrifice . As the parents cut the sacrifice Shinra was wailing on the slab that had the symbol on the God Jashin.
While Crying a few drops of the persons blood dripped into Shinra's mouth turning his skin red and the markings of the god Jashin to appear. The Ritual was an success Just as Shinras parents where about to complete the ritual by stabbing Shinra through the heart to make sure the ritual took hold, Shinobi from Kumogakure burst into the Temple and began slaughtering the Clan Members for their crimes against their citizens.
After the battle was done the shinobi where mopping up the remnants of the rest of the temple when they came upon a baby with the markings that the others had had on them when so many of their comrades where killed by the crazed worshipers. A few shinobi opted to kill the infant right there on the spot, but just as they decided the captain of the squad interjected stating it would b e just as bad as what had transpired here, and the infant is still innocent and should not be punished for others wrong doings.
::Academy::
After a few years of being kept in Kumogakure the captain that had saved Shinra decided it would be safe to allow him to join the Ninja academy to become a ninja. The First year went smoothly but during his second year of being in the academy he critically injured another class mate and consumed some of their blood in an violent rage. This scared Shinras gaurdian and he decided to take him oout of the academy for a few months to determine his state of mind. After being examined and tested it seemed that Shinra was in a right state of mind and was allowed back into the academy.
::Post Academy::
After graduation Shinra's Mind state seemed to be fine no longer being under the watch of the Captain who was killed during a mission people began to forget that he was originally taken from the demon clan. On a day while the chunnin exams where taking place a ninja that also followed the Religion of jashin was present he noticed that the chakra of Shinra was that of the annihilated Sect of the Clan and he confronted Shinra demanding to know why he stayed with these people when they had killed him entire clan. Confused Shinra had no idea of what the ninja spoke of kept denying knowing anything about what this ninja was speaking of. The Ninja realizing that Shinra's responses where legitimate gave him a scroll of the teaching and a map of the location of the old temple. He told him all the answers would be there and he could see for himself the magnificence that was Jashin.
Weeks late r Shinra Had set out with the purpose of discovering what his past had held secret for so long. While in the temple he prayed to the God Jashin for guidance and vowed he would restore the sect of his clan. But first he had to become stronger in order to Establish his clan once more. But he woould make changes so it could become an accepted form of religion amongst the ninja community instead of a criminal organization.
_________________
Roleplaying Characters:
Taiki Kaguya
Kyo, Kaze
Shinra
Rian Naminaki
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: C-Rank Ganin (Kumo)/ ,D-rank Genin(Kono)-E-Rank genin(Kumo)-S-Rank chuunin(Kono)
Village: None
Fame: 5-10-0-0
Reputation:
Training Points: 345
Inventory: on genin 2xWakizashi 30xshuriken 5xkunia 3xblank scroll 50ftwire
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Last edited by Sandalphon on Sun Sep 20, 2009 10:08 pm; edited 20 times in total |
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TeamNarutox
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| Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2009 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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Fighting style reffers to Ninjutsu/Genjutsu/Taijutsu/Ijutsu/Puppet/or Fuuinjutsu, and each have a rank of Minor, Major, or Specialty, only minor and higher are listed, and you know this stuff, please remove over whelming from the fighting style, and move it to personality, under the sub title of battle.
Yes, the personality needs a bit of a boost.
Also, can you section your history a little bit, to make it easier to read, since paragraphs are generically easier to read on their own.
_________________
Reilina(Inactive)
Roleplaying Characters:
Otori, Shizuka Miyu
Ava Kimera
Amimura, Jato
Sampson, Ashe
RPG Stats:
Shinobi Rank: SS Chunnin-D Genin-E Genin-E Genin
Village: Missing-Kumogakure-Iwagakure-Kirigakure
Fame: 915~0~200~0
Reputation:
Training Points: 1711
Inventory: Fan Sword Kazemasa, 10 Senbon, 10 Kunai, 3 Blank Scrolls, and 1 Peice of Chalk -
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Sandalphon
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