This is the prologue chapter, copied directly from the link. I think some of the bold text might be left out though and I'm too lazy to actually go and put in [b] for all that. It's much better if you check out the link so you can read it how it is on the site and leave a review there(you dont need an account to review stories)
This is my second Naruto fic that will be mostly based on my own original characters(and one slightly canon and slightly oc, just wait and see), but there will still be plenty of appearances of character we all know and love of the original series. This will however be my first try at a part romance fic so if there’s anyway I can make this better please review. I usually give the people what they want in my stories if they ask and it seems like it would help. On to the story.
Prologue
The village was in ruins as fires burned, twisters tore apart houses, rockslides buried hundreds, lightning struck tall buildings, and water flooded entire housing districts all at once. People tried to fee the area as shinobi wearing the leaf insignia helped them to safety. At the center of these disasters was some type of dark shadowy figure looming over building. Sprouting from the creature’s back was five large tail like limbs; on the end of each was one of the five elements.
The cause of this was the five tailed demon known as the Gobi.
While others fled a small group made their way to the epicenter instead. This group was lead by a blonde haired woman with a diamond on her forehead an several other ninja all dressed in black with light armor and animal based masks.
“Hokage-sama, what are we going to do about this?” The leader of the Anbu squad spoke up.
The blonde did not answer and instead kept her eyes on the beast. While they seemed to be focused on that one objective they also seemed distant as well. It was almost like she was seeing something far worse to come.
As they arrived on the scene Tsunade begin to tell them a basic run down on how they would remove this creature. Shortly afterwards a battle ensued between the squad and the Demon of five elements. It was intense as several more buildings in the vicinity fell to pieces and crumbled at the strength of the fighters.
As time drew on however, the Gobi seemed to be getting weaker and weaker. Before arriving in Konohagakure the beast had lost much of its energy and was about ready to keel over.
“Now! Attack him now!” The woman called as the squad began to move in on the creature for the finishing blow. They were all in just as bad shape as the demon, but this would definitely be the decisive blow.
The dog demon howled in psychotic laughter as his form began to change into a smaller more spiritual one. “Not today…” His words faded off at the end as his spirit moved away from the shinobi and drew closer to a woman with a small child. The black haired woman screamed as the beast entered the child that was probably no older than 1 one year.
“Damn that demon!” Tsunade growled as she saw what it was planning. A strange demonic like aura flowed from the infants body as the demon began to posses it. The infant opened its mouth and the demonic voice of the Gobi flowed out.
“Hehehe, I like this new body already, too bad I’ll have to toss it like trash in about five minutes or so. You humans…so fragile. I’m willing to bet this infant has less time than that before my demonic chakra rips it to pieces. This will be a good place to regain some energy and kill you bitches though.” The disgusting being began to laugh through the child’s body as the mother fell to the ground in hysterical tears.
Tsunade seemed to be in intense thought as she assessed the situation. She turned to the Anbu group and talked in low whispers before turning back to the child, her next words were caring, yet decisive. “I’d rather not have another child of this village go through the same stigma, the same pain, but….,” She stopped there as an Anbu member quickly came in at the infant.
The masked man moved in swiftly while performing hand seals, with each new hand sign a new sealing symbol placed on his hands. Once in range he placed his palm on the child’s body and the seals moved from his body to the child. The ninja fell to the ground, unconscious as the aura began to recede back into the seal and the infant’s body.
Tsunade sat beside the mother and tried to comfort the still weeping woman.
-Two Weeks Later-
The Tsuchikage was the last to enter the grand meeting hall in an unknown location. The Kages had all decided to meet and discuss the situation of the shinobi world after the recent demon incident where eight of the nine tailed beasts escaped and ran rampant across the world. Each Kage sat on a different side of the large meeting table along with a couple of trusted shinobi from their village.
The Tsuchikage then spoke to the council, “I’d like to hear from each country’s representative Kage as to demon whereabouts and conditions. I’ll begin. Within the earth country the six tailed Rokubi is currently sealed away in a mountain made of an unknown mineral powerful enough to contain it for centuries if need be.”
The red haired Kazekage spoke next. “The one tailed demon known as Ichibi is currently residing in this council room.” He said in a dry monotonous tone. No more needed to be said as the other Kages understood. “were also in possession of four tails, Yonbi.”
Raikage gave his information next. “The eight tail Hachibi is currently residing in one of my most trusted shinobi of Kumogakure.”
“Water country is in possession of the three tailed, Sanbi.” The Mizukage was straight and to the point.
Tsunade decided to go last in this situation for a reason as she knew things would end well. “Currently in Konohagakure we’re in possession of the nine tails, Kyuubi and the five tails, Gobi.” Almost immediately the room was in chaos as arguments sprang up.
Just about all of these were pointed towards Fire Country’s representative. They argued that Konohagakure possessing both the most powerful of the tailed beasts as well as the demon of five elements would ultimately destroy the balance between the five nations and throw the world into another war. With each country in its current condition they would only be digging their graves much, much deeper. The more they tried to get her to give the Gobi holding child away the shorter Tsunade’s fuse got.
The blonde woman couldn’t take it anymore at a certain point, “I HAVE MY REASONS!!” She brought down a mighty fist on the table that caused it to split in half. The other Kages could only stare at her in disbelief at her incredible determination.
This discussion went on for hours until the five nations finally came to a compromise. As Tsunade and the Mizukage passed each other after the meeting was over he whispered something. “You better watch those demon holding brats,” His voice was cold and stern and even seemed to give Tsunade chills.
It’s been a few years since then, twelve to be exact….
So anyway this is a prologue of events that occur before the actual story. The real first chapter should be up soon. _________________ Roleplaying Characters: Hideo Inuzuka Hibari Kyoukan No 3rd RPC Ryouken-Pet RPG Stats: Shinobi Rank: C-Genin~C-Genin Village: Konohagakure~Kirigakure Fame: 68~0 Reputation: Training Points: 110~0 Inventory: Shuriken, Kunai, A few scrolls, Fuuma Shuriken, 30 feet of shinobi wire, Dragon's Tails, Spiked Chain.
Finally, here’s the first chapter of a story months in the making. Although the reason it took months was because of school and a bit of laziness when it came to writing my plans on paper or saving them to a document. Nonetheless, enjoy ^^
Chapter 1: I Want to Live!
The fierce blizzard raged on as a black haired boy carrying the leaf insignia on his gloves and a small item tightly clenched in his hands struggled to remain standing. His legs were freezing and were slowly being incased in ice. His vision blurred and his body wobbled.
“I’m sorry guys. I guess I couldn’t do what I promised. I…” The boy fell face first into the snow while icy winds continued to rage around him. His vision began to blur and everything from sight to hearing seemed to fade. “So this is death.” The ice was now creeping up his legs attempting to take over his entire body, yet he continued to hold onto the item in his right hand.
A tall shadowy figure stood before the boy and held a blade in hand. He raised it up and was ready to kill the shinobi.
He knew he knew this was probably it. “If only I could go back…” He said while remembering how this all started.
- Twelve years after the Gobi attack-
A man in a chuunin vest stood before a class with a sheet of paper. He had scar across his nose and seemed pretty pissed at how chatty the class was and how they would not quiet down. By means of an unknown jutsu his voice projected all over the class in a loud ferocious tone yelling, “EVERYONE SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!” The children were quiet in an instant and the man cleared his throat.
“I’m proud to announce that everyone has passed the academy’s genin examination and will now become shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village.” The class erupted into cheers until the man shut them down again. “For new genin it’s important for you to work on teamwork and other basic skills so you’ll each be assigned squads of three.” He turned to the blackboard and began to write the names and squad assignments. The names read:
[Watch out, these are the important squads to the story]
Team 4: Enrei Katsua, Fubuki Shinshi, Kyoukan Hibari
Team 10: Hideo Seikatsu, Anzu Sarutobi, Shiden Amaji
Team 13: Shoukyaku Hyuuga, Rouen Akimichi, Sora Matsuko
“Any que-“ Before the scarred man could even get the entire sentence out he got complaints about team assignments. Some questions were completely random and idiotic and very few actually having good reason behind them.
“Iruka-sensei, I can’t work with this guy, my imaginary friend tell me he gots serious mental problem in the heads.” Everyone in the class sweat dropped at the last comment though.
“I’m sorry, but you’ll have just put up with who’s on your team. Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.” Iruka then flipped through the papers he was holding until he found the sheet he was looking for. “Also because of some urgent matters you will not be assigned Jounin sensei for another week. You can basically call this a free week.” Iruka said and smiled at an empty classroom, a vein of anger bulged from the man’s forehead.
-The Kage’s Office-
A man in a hat and a white jacket with orange flame designs along the edges sat at the Kage’s desk with his feet propped up and the hat tipped forward so no one could see his eyes. The strange guy enjoyed a peaceful nap saying the words ramen repeatedly in his sleep for some strange reason.
Two men and a woman, all in jounin clothing entered the room. The man in the Hokage seat removed his hat to reveal his messy blonde hair, blue eyes, and strange whisker like marks. “Good you’re all here.” The blonde gave a toothy grin and sat up in his chair to discuss things. Of the three jounin now in his office there was a male wearing all black with a crimson red scarf wrapped around his lower face that hung down to about his knees and seemed to be the youngest of the group. The female had on white top that was split down the middle and showing quite a bit of cleavage, but not too much. She wore black pants and on her back was a strange weapon filled with holes and made of iron. The last of the group was a man smoking a cigarette and carried a bored expression on his face.
“Okay, I’ve called you hear to discuss the new team assignments.” The blonde had a strange look in his eyes that the other jounin immediately caught and understood.
The female spoke up, “So it’s the nine this year that will surpass even you Hokage-sama.”
The blonde nodded, “Not just the rookies of Konohagakure, but of the other great nations as well.” The scarf wearing shinobi was about to speak but the Hokage cut him off as he pulled out three glass orbs from the desk. He made a few hand seals and the orbs began to show the actions of nine different genin. Each orb had three images. “These nine are the ones I believe will pass the second stage of the genin examinations.”
They all stared into the different orbs and observed the odd assortment of students even trying to decide between which of the groups they would rather have.
“I want you all to watch them for the next week and see if you notice any special qualities in them. Hanako-san, Konohamaru-san, Shikamaru-san.” The three jounin stepped up in that order and took the orbs in that same order. First was the woman, followed by the carrier of the crimson scarf, and lastly the smoker.
As Shikamaru left the building he looked into the orb and didn’t see much going on, though there was one team member that caught his eye. “Damn this is so pointless.” He whined with a yawn, he clearly gotten a bit lazier over the years. “Might as well get some food while I’m out.” He walked off to a barbecue restaurant to pass some time.
-Back at the Academy-
A young girl with shoulder length black hair left the school building with her head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone else. She wore a short sleeved martial arts top and bottoms. As she quietly made her way down the city streets men and women looked at her with disgust. Some even threw rotten fruit at her and the more extreme threw glass bottles that she narrowly avoided. She spoke quietly to herself, “It’s okay Anzu, this street is always like this.” Her words were mumbled and said in a panicked tone, she then suddenly burst out into an all out sprint down the street.
“I hate this place, I hate it, I hate it.” She wiped her tears away and kept running. “Why can’t it all just go away?” She came to a stop and looked up at he Hokage monument, now complete with a sixth head. The girls seemed to come to some sort of conclusion as she watched the six faces. She stopped her running and crying and slowly walked to the mountain.
-That Night-
Anzu stood on top of the Hokage monument and looked down at the village. Though she hated the place with such intensity she couldn’t help but feel so attached to it at the same time. She shook those thought from her head and looked down upon the rest of the city. This was the final goodbye; she had had enough from this world. “Maybe the next world will be better.” She smiled while saying this, but the smile was only to help fight back tears. The young girl raised one foot over the edge then leaped off with the other going for a nosedive.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!?” A voice screamed out from the darkness as she was grabbed and somehow brought back up to the top of the monument. She couldn’t believe it as she turned over to see a boy with a wooden Bo staff on his back. His hair was black and spiky and he wore a green vest over a black top and pants. On the back of his fingerless black gloves were steel plates with the leaf insignia. He looked down at Anzu as if he were disappointed.
“Thanks for trying to play the whole noble act and saving me and all, but I don’t need it. I jumped willingly.”
“Why would you do that?” The genin boy seemed a bit puzzled.
“Why wouldn’t I…This village doesn’t need me and I definitely don’t need it.” Her voice was cold and sounded like she had lost just about all will to live.
“You shouldn’t take life so lightly. You’re so young and have much ahead for you. Every life in this world is important and should be treated as your most valuable treasure.” The spiky haired genin's words seemed far beyond his age.
“Whatever, stay in you happy fairy land of rainbows. I’m out of here.” Once again she stepped over the edge but the boy was on it. With one hand held on to Anzu and the other he held the ledge.
“The name is Hideo by the way.” He pulled her up once again and this time blocked her way from jumping.
“Fine thanks for telling me your name now MOVE!” She screamed at him as more tears formed in her eyes.
“No, I won’t let you just jump and die like this. I’ll make a deal with you. If I can show you a reason why to live before the end of this week you have to stop doing this nonsense. By the end of this week, I promise I'll have you say that you want to live.”
“What if you can't give me a reason to live by then?”
“Then I’ll jump off with you.” Hideo grinned, but Anzu didn’t really know what to think of this situation. The boy would kill himself for a girl he hardly even knew. More surprising than that was the fact that it was her who was hated by everyone in the village.
“Fine.” She finally gave in.
“Good first is tonight’s session.” Hideo got down on the ground and stared at the moonlit sky.
“Why would laying on the ground make me want to stay here?” Even though she asked she still found herself lying down next to the spiky haired genin before getting a response.
“The reason I was up here to begin with was because I love to come up here some nights and just stare at the stars. It really makes you think about things.”
Anzu didn’t understand a word of it but spent that whole night with Hideo staring at the moon and stars. Thus was the end of the first night...
Hideo spent the next five days with Anzu trying to find something to convince her to live her life here in the village. They went to things like greenhouses, plays, arcades, movies, and several other things people would usually find fun but none of it seemed to reach her shielded heart. Every time he would try to get her to open up she would just move further away from him and closer to suicide. On the final day Hideo decided it was time to bring out his last resort.
“Hideo, what stupid idea are you using this time? The dead line is tomorrow you know” Anzu was blindfolded and was carefully being lead into the forest by Hideo.
“If this one doesn’t work then nothing will.” After several minutes more of walking Hideo removed the cloth from her eyes. The young kunoichi’s eyes sparkled with a glow Hideo had never seen before as she set her eyes on a large four story house made completely out of fine wood and astoundingly detailed at that. Surrounding the house would have to be the largest assortment of plants, flowers, fruits and vegetables Anzu had ever seen. To put it simply the place was beautiful, almost like magic. “Come on in.”
Hideo lead the way and opened the door. The inside was even more beautiful than the out, as finely crafted furniture of different kinds was spread around the first floor of the home, everything completely made of wood. “Where did you get this from?”
“What do you mean? Every single plant surrounding this building was hand grown by myself. It took years to finish this place, but it was well worth it don’t you think?” Anzu nodded, not able to get the insanely gleeful smile off of her face. Deciding it was time to get to the center of this problem Hideo turned to Anzu and asked the question straight forward. “Why do you want to die?”
Anzu’s smile quickly faded as she began to turn away from Hideo just like the many other times when he had asked over the week. She then stood to her feet and began to walk to the door, but stopped. “What’s the point of staying in a place you’re not wanted? A place where people hate you for things not under you control?”
“Jumping off of a mountain isn’t going to solve your problems Anzu; you have to stop trying to take the easy way out!” Hideo retorted showing almost know sympathy.”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand. You’re just like the rest of the people living in this hellhole. I don’t blame them for hating me though. I hate myself as well. I killed many important to them and I killed people close to me as well. At least this way I won’t hurt anyone else or even smite them with my existence.”
Hideo backed down once he fully understood that she wasn’t trying to take the easy way out of life’s obstacles. She also seemed to cared well for the safety of others, but did she realize it yet? “Anzu-“
Hideo was cut off as the door to his humble home went crashing down and a man entered with a katana flailing around the room wildly. “This village has had enough of a demon bitch like you!” His swings were a bit more directed towards Anzu as he came in with uncoordinated skill-less swings of the blade. Anzu however stood in place.
“Sorry Hideo, I know the week isn’t up yet, but I can't take it anymore. Good try though, you nearly got me to change my mind.” She smiled at him and waited for death's unorganized swing.
“DON’T BE AN IDIOT!” Hideo stood in front of her with the rage obvious rage building in his eyes. He raised his Bo staff up to block the attack but the blade cut clean through and well into his chest. "Like I said, every life is treated as a special treasure, especially the ones closest to you." Those were the last few words he was able to gather before falling straight to the ground. His blood had splattered on the nearby wall and the floor.
“Hey look, I got another demon as well.” The man was clearly drunk as his attack got less and less coordinated with each swing. Anzu jumped back to avoid an attack and looked down to Hideo who still wasn’t moving, a small puddle of blood was beginning to form and she was beginning to tear up.
“I guess devils do cry, huh.” The man took another swing but was hit with a punch to the face halfway through. He was sent flying back a couple of feet and nearly fell due to his obvious lack of balanace. “You little bitch.” He came in stabbing at her several times, but she continued to dodge them with obvious skill in taijutsu. Anzu then gave the man a kick to the chest that sent him back again.
“I’m done crying over this. You’re the first step on my new path. My new path to change this village and even myself.” Her face showed the same determination and will as Hideo's had before, she was truly done crying over pointless things.
“That’s right Anzu.” It came from a bleeding but now standing Hideo on the other side of the room. He gave her a thumbs up with a bloody fist.
The drunk was fuming at Hideo now as he turned back to see the boy he thought he had slain now standing and grinning. His movement suddenly became swift and his cuts now had the precision of a skilled swordsman. “I may not look like it, but I was once an expert in the art of killing. No way can you demons leave this place alive.”
The man moved around Hideo at speed to where the new genin couldn’t manage to keep up. The blade glinted in the light as it swung and cut lightly into Hideo’s arm then again in another spot, and again. The boy couldn’t keep up as his body began to get cut from all directions.
He stood completely still and took the blows without a word though. “Anzu, say it.”
“Say what?” She was concerned for the Hideo as it didn’t seem he would even be able to stand for much longer.
“Say it” He repeated.
“I don’t know what you mean. Just get out of there and away from tha-“
“SAY IT!” He yelled so intensely that the house seemed to shake. With one look into his face Anzu knew what to say.
“I WANT TO LIVE!” She began to tear up again.
“That’s what I wanted to hear.” Hideo grinned and waited for the next attack. He clenched the remaining third of his Bo in hand.
“What do you expect do with less than half a weapon.” The man pulled back then charged forward with his stabbing blow, this would be the closer.
As the attack drew in Hideo raised his leg and slammed it onto the flat side of the blade and brought the weapon to the ground. Not stopping, he slammed the third of the Bo into the man’s jaw sending him flying upwards and airborne.
“Don’t think I’m done from one blow!” The man held the katana, ready to come back down with it with all of his weight.
“Go to hell!” Hideo aimed the broken staff at the airborne man’s chin as it suddenly extended and grew past its original length with great force. It slammed into the man dead on and sent him flying through the second floor, third floor, fourth floor, and the roof. The drunken swordsman sailed in the sky, his eyes rolled back only showing the white and blood dripping from his mouth. The spiky haired genin retracted the weapon to its original full length and looked through the many holes. “Cool, now I can watch the stars from inside.”
Anzu was astonished at the strength Hideo had just demonstrated, and how he was able to make the staff extend, but that wasn’t important right now. “She fell into his arms and didn’t stop crying. “Thank(sniff)you…”
Omake: (As in just for fun and nothing to do with actual story.)
Shikamaru sat down on a bench and looked into the orb. At the center it read ‘Buffering 37%’ “Damnit, it’s been buffering for four days straight and only 37%” The jounin lit up a cigarette and smoked for a while until the orb seemed to speak for itself.
“I thought you were a genius. You should know those things will kill you.” It yelled in a loud obnoxious voice.
“Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean I'm required to have a lot of common sense. Or any, for that matter...”
-With Hideo-
As I lay in bed last night, looking up at the stars and the moon, I thought to myself, 'Where the hell is my ceiling?'
Flashback
“Go to hell!” Hideo aimed the broken staff at the airborne man’s chin as it suddenly extended and grew past its original length with great force. It slammed into the man dead on and sent him flying through the second floor, third floor, fourth floor, and the roof. The drunken swordsman sailed in the sky, his eyes rolled back only showing the white and blood dripping from his mouth. The spiky haired genin retracted the weapon to its original full length and looked through the many holes. “Cool, now I can watch the stars from inside.”
End Flashback
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
Yes I know, a lot of crying in this chapter.
I hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter. Second one will be up sometime in the future. _________________ Roleplaying Characters: Hideo Inuzuka Hibari Kyoukan No 3rd RPC Ryouken-Pet RPG Stats: Shinobi Rank: C-Genin~C-Genin Village: Konohagakure~Kirigakure Fame: 68~0 Reputation: Training Points: 110~0 Inventory: Shuriken, Kunai, A few scrolls, Fuuma Shuriken, 30 feet of shinobi wire, Dragon's Tails, Spiked Chain.
Idk If I'm allowed to post yet but this is very good. I'd read a book like this _________________ Roleplaying Characters: Amegaki Inuzuka Vatu Kaji Raiden Kai No 4th RPC RPG Stats: Shinobi Rank: Jounin S ~ Genin B ~ Genin E Village: Kumo ~ Kiri ~ Missing Fame: 160~0~0 Reputation: Training Points: 10 Inventory: Mizukami (concealed), Various colored scrolls.
Lol add Amegaki, he pwnz all. *Cough*IncludingRaiden*Cough* _________________ Roleplaying Characters: Amegaki Inuzuka Vatu Kaji Raiden Kai No 4th RPC RPG Stats: Shinobi Rank: Jounin S ~ Genin B ~ Genin E Village: Kumo ~ Kiri ~ Missing Fame: 160~0~0 Reputation: Training Points: 10 Inventory: Mizukami (concealed), Various colored scrolls.
Let me just say this - prologues are never necessary, especially if they're just going to recap those kinds of events. It's much better to give hints of the past through the chapters. Maybe a paragraph here and there of dialogue that describes it well, but that should be the limit.
Proper grammar helps, that means don't use capitals for a whole sentence. Emphasis with exclamation marks only, and just one per sentence.
There is hope though! You have potential... I can see you're new to writing, but your writing is strong at the core. It's not far off from how I was a few years ago. Dialogue is quite good for someone of your writing level. Work on your telling though. You keep telling us what the characters feel, why they're doing something. A lot of the time, we just want to figure it out for ourself.
I'm too lazy to read this over really indepth so that's all the advice for now, I'll give more tomorrow. _________________
Thanks, I'll probably make a few of those changes into the story on FF.net before putting up the second one. Not sure If I should remove the whole prologue though. _________________ Roleplaying Characters: Hideo Inuzuka Hibari Kyoukan No 3rd RPC Ryouken-Pet RPG Stats: Shinobi Rank: C-Genin~C-Genin Village: Konohagakure~Kirigakure Fame: 68~0 Reputation: Training Points: 110~0 Inventory: Shuriken, Kunai, A few scrolls, Fuuma Shuriken, 30 feet of shinobi wire, Dragon's Tails, Spiked Chain.
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