(…and no…Disani doesn‘t know that Renima is still alive.)

“It’s been quietly lately. Too quiet. Every time I walk outside, I wonder if suddenly I’m going to see those colors I always see when you’re so close to me. It was because of you I remembered that a leaf was green Renima-sensai.”

My eyes feel like they’re welling up. I close them quickly just to keep those tears from tickling my face just by running along my cheeks. Every time I think of Renima-sensai now, I feel like I’m walking on his grave by breaking his promise. Am I tarnishing the image of the little girl…the lady he saw in me just by not keeping a promise, even if it’s one that was made by myself and accept by myself? I’d like to thank not, but I’d be a coward if I did. I simply hugged the summoning scroll I brought to the memorial today. Held onto it as my fingernails dug into the tapestry while being careful not to tarnish it. I’m afraid if I did, it would feel like I was tarnishing what was left of your soul.

”Those were the good times. I didn‘t know you for a long time, but you seemed like a nice guy to me.”

I smiled…I smiled? It had been a while since I’ve done that and meant it. I’ve spent most of my time traveling back and forward between Gold Country and Konoha just to make a note of my skills from my family and created my own using my ailment to improve upon myself as a Shinobi and a young girl. A matter of fact, did I ever tell Renima-sensai about my family, or where I come from? I looked to the scroll as if I was holding him myself. I think I felt as if I wanted to tell him now. I smiled even though my throat felt like it was being attacked from the inside by cracking every moment.

Let’s see…

”My family Renima-sensai. They had little hope for me as a young girl. I was born blind, you see?”

My thoughts racing even though I was talking to no one in particular. My eyes were becoming wet again from the moistness of my own tears. I had no tissue, so I brushed my face across the scroll that I was procrastinating on signing with my own blood. I smelled the tapestry and material once again. It was so strange.

”Renima-sensai…it smells like you.”

I couldn’t help that thought. Truth always left my lips, but I’m still a young girl. I have thoughts sometimes, needs, desires. I desired to impress Renima-sensai mostly as he took me as a student from the moment he found me at the memorial. Now that I thought about it, that’s why I was here. I think because I first met him here, it was the reason I sat in this place where he first came. He had placed a bowl of Ramen down for his friend right there.

”What was his name?”

I feel a bit guilty for not remembering a friend of Renima-sensai. Only if I met him spiritually by saying a silent prayer out of respect for a friend of my sensai, a friend of his was a friend of mine, even if I never met him before in my life. I took my wooden pole and gave it a knock across the surface of the ground just once as my ears caught a glimpse of the names that were displayed upon it. I was sad not being able to remember Kumo. It brought me to tears the moment I could make out the engraved name of Renima-sensai.  I hadn’t brought him anything to eat like he did for Kumo. I only brought him me: the sad, pathetic girl who wallowed in her own pain as I was too afraid to insult you by using the summoning scroll that was given to me. Is that enough?

“I know I shouldn’t talk like this, but I couldn’t help it. Where was I when you met your unfortunate end? Couldn’t I have done something? The last time I saw you, we were training, and when we had to leave, you had taken me by my hand and brought me so close that…”

I stopped in an instant in my thoughts. I felt as if I was about to die as my heart skipped a beat. Not only was I pathetic and weak, but stupid at that too. I hugged the scroll tighter as if it was everything in the world, as if it was my teacher. It sounded so absurd, but if it was possible, was it that? He had pressed my face into the scroll. It smelled just like him.

That and the occasional scent of Tigers. It was the Tiger summoning scroll after all.

I had laid it upon the ground as I took my shaky hand and pressed it across the thread that held it together. I untied it letting the roll of tapestry go across the grass to reveal a lineage. I slapped my hand gently across to let out a single sonar ring as I was fed back the names and blood woven into the material like detail. I saw the name I was looking for. I reached stroking my fingers across the signature, that stroke of calligraphy, his traces of blood that had soaked into it where it was his last trace upon this world besides his history, his body that laid to rest along with his grave.

”I‘ve disrespect this scroll long enough. I‘ve insulted you long enough too Renima sensai.”

I had saw where my blood had begun to remain on the field incomplete where I begun, but I didn’t finish. It was when I first received it by your friend who had fetched me from your funeral. I grieved, and I was weak even there. He said to me I had an amazing talent as a Kunoichi, but I thought he was just being modest. Adults would feed children anything just to get them to try harder to believe in themselves. He wasn’t like most people though. To me he wasn’t.

I had taken a kunai from my side. I reached striking the tip of my thumb to draw some blood. This would be my last time doing this, all of this: the crying, the feeling weak, and not living up to the expectations who believed in me…not just believed in me. I had stroke my thumb across to finish writing my name. Unlike last time, I had done it so gradually, and so clean. I wasn’t hesitant this time around, and I even made it so that it was good to understand. I did pretty well for a blind girl if I say so myself.

I ran my thumb to the left sleeve of my dress. I torn the bloody spot just a bit before tying the remnants of my dress to that finger as a little bandage. The scroll I brought was bundled back into a roll and I sealed it, not with that puny piece of thread, but instead I tore a long sill of my dress along the skirt being careful that my panties didn’t show from when I was done ripping away from the material. Tying that strand to the scroll, I made the scroll mine. I owned it now, and I would pass it down to a successor to that I believe in. Til that day, I’ll remember why I had a chance to place my name on this scroll. It was as clear as the motivation to how I was so encouraged to put my blood upon the material in a good clean writing without any regret.

I tossed the roll of material into my lap as I sat with my legs tucked under my behind. For hours, I swear I could stare at this memorial before me, but if I did, how would I be able to fulfill the oaths I’ve made? I just had to stare at it a little while longer to build a little more courage to ask what I wanted. It felt as if I was staring straight at Renima-sensai as I remained on my knees with that same weak smile I’ve always been capable of. The shy one that he always liked to look at. I could tell, because I always kept it on just for him.

”Renima-sensai…did you love me?”

I wish he could’ve been able to answer. If I could see him nod, if he could smile, honestly, if he shook his head to tell me not, it made no difference. Any moment where he would come back from the grave, that would be my question for him. I could care little of how Heaven looked. I was a patient girl, and even so, I wasn’t curious to know even if that destination wasn’t set in stone. As a shinobi,  it was said it was a dark path, but for me it didn’t have to be. I already saw a light from one single person. His light shed color to my world and he treated me like his own child rather than a student. I’d like to think so. No one else went out there way for a blind little girl.

I want to meet his friends. I want to meet those I’ve made this contract to, but I was not one to play the game of “The Little Boy who Cried Wolf.” How I am now, I didn’t need a crutch to support me, even if it was just someone to remind me of you. I just wanted to knock away these feelings that were a wall between my sensai and this scroll. I was emotionally procrastinating until now, but no more.

Standing to my feet, I had hugged the scroll to my little chest. I bowed to the memorial of you and your fallen friends. I would visit again, and next time I wouldn’t bring a a grieving girl. I would bring a bowl of Ramen. I was always curious to know if Renima-sensai had tried the kind I loved, the bitter-sweet flavor, but the birds might get to them before he did, just as they always did for Kumo. I couldn’t help but to giggle remembering that’s what Renima told me the first time he offered something to me. I strapped the scroll to my back as I turned my back to the memorial.

A deep breath…inhale…exhale. I had even done it a second time to make sure I done it right. I felt a bit lighter without all those emotions weighing me down. So light that when I kicked off, the tree branch didn’t seem that far from that I couldn’t grab it before swinging off. I knew where I was going, so even if I did look back, I wouldn’t slip before kicking off going to the next tree branch.

I still remembered the funeral. I was so sad I didn’t have time to say it before as I reached around hugging my hands along the scroll as if it was you. Whispering silently, If I could, I would say to you…

”Good bye, Renima-Sensai.”